Insane Professor Xavier
by Rogue Hanson
Summary: Everyone goes insane at the end. It's hilarious! Magneto thinks he's Harry Potter. Prof. X is crazy. Who is behind it? Read to find out....
1. Act 1

Insane Professor Xavier  
By: Rogue Hanson  
  
Warning this story is to make no sense. Don't expect it to. All of my friends are to be the X-Men you once knew. I do not own Harry Potter or any Harry Potter characters. I also don't own the song.   
  
  
Rogue- is me. Cuz I'm special.  
  
Professor Xavier- is my INSANE friend Matt. Notice the caps.  
  
Wolverine, Logan/Sabertooth- Brian…well he looks like Logan and he wanted to be Sabertooth. (L- is Logan and S- Sabertooth)   
  
Cyclops, Scott- Dan cuz he wants to be him.  
  
Jean Grey- Lindsay is just amazing lol.  
  
Shadowcat, Kitty- Shannon cuz they both say "Ewww" the same way.  
  
Nightcrawler, Kurt- Jeff cuz we needed a Kurt.  
  
Storm, Ororo- Cecily, crazy person. Seems normal but aint.  
  
Boom-Boom, Tabitha (well now she's back to being an X-Men instead of   
being in the Brotherhood) - is Kimmy they like saying BOOM!  
  
Magneto- Tom cuz I needed Magneto.  
  
Kazam- Magneto's insane mother who calls him Timothy.  
  
Mystique- ????  
  
Musachan- Is Musachan who lives in the Happy Haunted Sunshine House.  
  
  
  
  
ACT 1  
  
It was an ordinary morning at the institute. The sun was shining the birds were singing. Kitty was on her laptop talking to her friends from school. Ororo on the phone. Kurt and Tabatha are fighting over the remote. Logan was wrestling Scott and winning big time while Jean watched. Rogue stood around laughing at Scott. Professor Xavier sped in on his wheel chair laughing insanely. Everyone stopped their activities and stared at him.  
  
Prof. X- LaLaLaLa, LaLaLaLa Elmo's World!  
Logan- Prof. Are you alright?  
Prof. X- Elmo's World!  
::Scott, Rogue, Jean, Tabatha, and Kurt burst into laughter.::  
Kitty- He finally decided to become one of us.  
Prof. X- Shut up you little Bitch!  
Scott- ::laughing tone:: Oh my God that's horrible.  
Kitty- Ewww…  
Rogue- Umm…Are you okay? Seriously are you?  
Prof. X- ::gasps and rides over to her. Rogue steps away slowly but he grabs her and puts her on his lap. He pushes her head to his chest:: Don't cry little girl put your head on my breastiss! ::he strokes her hair repeatedly::  
Rogue: LET GO OF ME!! SCOTT! LOGAN! SAVE ME!  
::Kurt and Scott are rolling in laughter on the floor. Logan tries pulling her off but fails since he does not want to hurt the Prof.::  
Prof. X- ::stroking Rogue's hair:: I love you. ::said strangely::  
Rogue- Get off of me! ::struggling::  
Prof. X- Get away from me you little bitch! ::he pushes her off of him::  
Rogue runs behind Kitty.  
Scott- How did he not get hurt by Rogue's skin?  
Rogue- I have no idea.  
Prof. X- Hi!  
Kurt- He belongs in a mental institution than a gifted institution!  
Prof. X- Shut up you little whore. ::he flings his hand into Kurt's face::  
Jean- I'll try seeing what's in his mind. ::uses her psychic powers and screams:: It's horrible!! ::starts flinching::  
Scott- Maybe he had a little too much caffeine this morning.  
Tabatha- ::throws a Bomb thing near Prof. X's feet::  
Prof. X- ::Lets out a loud girly scream and flees down the hall::  
Kitty and Kurt- Should we follow him?  
Jean- ::in the corner rocking back and forth:: Fear. Horror. Evil.   
Logan- He's the professor we should follow him.  
Kurt- I'll teleport to him. ::Vanishes and appears by Prof. X::  
Prof. X- ::Doing Papa Wheelies down the hallway. Stops and sees a button.:: What does this button do? ::pushes it, then drops it, then runs over it::  
::A roar and scream heard from the other room::  
Kurt- Hmmm…::Confused. Runs into kitchen and grabs a cup. He then puts ice into it. He runs back out and tosses the ice at Prof. X::  
Prof. X- Get in the car bitch! ::Chases him down the hall until Kurt is cornered.:: I'll get you now! ::starts to dash at Kurt::  
Kurt- ::teleports back to the living room. From the hall you hear a loud crash. Notices Logan and screams. Logan is now half Wolverine and half Sabertooth.::  
Wolvertooth- ::Beating himself up.::  
Kurt- What happened to him?  
Tabatha- One minute he was Logan and then all of a sudden he changed.  
Kurt- That was what that button Prof. X pushed did. Then he ran it over.  
Scott- Where is Prof. X?  
Kurt- I threw ice at him and he chased me down the hall. Then he crashed into a wall.  
Rogue- Interesting.   
Scott- What if Magneto is messing with the plate in his head?  
Wolvertooth- That could be it. Let's hop into the X-Jet and track him down.  
Everyone- Right!  
Logan- Someone grab Prof. X so he don't hurt himself.  
::No one answers::  
Wolvertooth- Kurt and Scott go. I'm in charge since he's gone crazy.  
Kurt- But!  
Wolvertooth- No buts. ::continues beating himself up::  
Scott- Let's go.  
Kurt- Ugh… ::grabs Scott's arm and teleports him to where Prof. X was::  
Prof. X- ::lying on the floor unconscious with a tennis racket over his head smiling::  
Scott- I'm not even going to ask.  
Kurt- Let's just get him into the wheel chair and teleport him from there.  
Scott- Okay.   
::Kurt and Scott get him into the wheelchair. Prof. X still smiling with the tennis racket. Teleports to the X-Jet where everyone else was::  
Ororo- ::appears from her room:: What's going on?   
Rogue- Prof. X has gone insane and we're blaming Magneto so we're gonna go search for him.  
Ororo- Yo! Can I come? I gotta get outta this hell hole and what happened to him? ::staring at Wolvertooth::  
Jean Grey- ::Becoming retarded:: He's a Kitty Man.  
Ororo- Right.  
::Everyone boards the X-Jet:: 


	2. Act 2

Act 2  
  
Wolvertooth- Lets check the asteroid Magneto was on in the Cauldron series.  
Tabatha- Where's it at now?  
Rogue- It blew up.  
Kitty- If it blew up then why would we go there?  
Jean- ::chewing her hand::   
Wolvertooth- I have a better idea. ::Flies to some laboratory in England where Magneto just happens to be. Magneto has on a sorcerers hat, thick rimmed black glasses, and is riding around on a metal broom::  
Magneto- LOOK AT ME! I'M HARRY POTTER!  
Tabatha- Oh dear God. WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO!  
Storm- What did you do to your old friend Xavier?  
Magneto- I turned him into Fluffy, the 3 headed dog from the Underworld.  
Storm- Right…  
Prof. X- ::wakes up:: IT'S HARRY POTTER!  
Magneto- OBEY ME!  
Prof. X- Shut up you skanky whore!  
Magneto- ::insane laughter:: I RULE THE WORLD!  
Scott- LOOK! It's Kazam!  
Kazam- ::rides up in her minivan wearing ghetto clothing:: Timothy! Get in the car! It's time for your ballerina lessons. Then go back to Hogwarts and study your witchcraft stuff with Scott.  
Magneto- Scott?   
::Everyone stares at Scott::  
Scott- Don't look at me! ::covers his face::  
Kazam- TIMOTHY! GET INTO THE CAR!  
Magneto- ::gets in the car. Kazam drives away::  
Rogue- ::sounding like a lil kid:: Now we know the two greatest mutants of all are insane! Who is doing this to them?  
Kurt- What happened to your voice?  
Rogue- I dunno. 2+2=9 & 7  
Prof. X- Shut up Princess Slut!  
Rogue- Why don't ---  
Kitty- Look!  
Prof. X- Shut up you little bitch!  
Kitty- Go away!  
Prof. X- I love you! ::tries to hug Kitty but goes through her since she used her powers::  
Kitty- It's Mystique! ::points at her in the laboratory::  
Kurt and Rogue- Mom why are you in this story?  
Prof. X- YOUR MOTHER HAS SCALES! ::throws ice from nowhere at Mystique::  
Mystique- I'M MELTING! ::melts into blue foam::  
Prof. X- You should have kept your legs crossed you little whore.  
Kurt- YOU KILLED MY MOTHER……YEAH!!!!  
Tabatha- ::throws sparkling bomb at blue foam:: NEVER COME BACK AGAIN WHORE! ::sticks tongue out::  
Rogue- You killed my mama… ::Starts to cry::  
Prof. X- ::gasps and rides over to her. He grabs her and puts her on his lap. He pushes her head to his chest:: Don't cry little girl put your head on my breastiss! ::he strokes her hair repeatedly::  
Jean Grey- My mama…::starts to cry too::  
Kurt- She ain't your mom so what are you crying about.  
Ororo- Just let her cry. ::Jean Grey grabs her legs and starts to call her Mama:: Get off me! ::kicks her off::  
Kitty- ::to Rogue:: How old are you?  
Rogue- ::stops crying automatically:: Me only 5 years old.  
Tabatha- Really?  
Rogue- Yep!  
Tabatha- Ya know maybe we should try the Brotherhood of Mutants. At this rate, pretty soon we're all gonna go insane anyway.  
Ororo- How will we find them? Jean and the Prof. Are the only two with powers to find them.  
Scott- Jean. We need your help.  
Jean- ::kisses his cheek:: I wuv you.  
Scott- ::shakes her:: No! Listen!   
Jean- ::slaps him:: You don't wuv me. I hate you. I HATE YOU!  
Prof. X- I love you! ::Pulls Jean on his lap too.::  
Jean- ::sticks tongue out at Rogue::  
Rogue- ::hits her:: OFF!  
Jean- ::odd groaning sound:: Owww! Dat hurt!  
::Jean and Rogue in weird hitting fight::  
Scott- STOP! Jean use your psychic abilities to find The Brotherhood of Mutants.   
Jean- ::starts hitting herself in the head.::  
Tabatha- It's hopeless.  
Kitty- Lets check the mall.  
Wolvertooth- We ain't bringing them to the mall.   
Ororo- Ya we are. I need a new cloak. Tabatha put a hole in my other one with those damn bombs of hers.  
Tabatha- Don't go dissing my bombs.  
Kurt- Let's just go somewhere. I'm bored.  
Scott- ::Hoarse sounding voice and unexplainable cigarette appears:: Listen I've been on unemployed for 36 hours. I need to go to the welfare office.   
Kitty- NOT YOU TOO!  
Ororo- Let's see. They got Prof. X, Logan, Rogue, Jean, Scott, and Magneto.   
That leaves me, Kitty, Kurt, and Tabatha. Only four of us. Let's head to the mall. 


	3. Act 3

Act 3  
  
Magneto- HARRY POTTER IS BACK!  
Kurt- Not you again.  
Magneto- ::points at Prof. X whom still has Jean and Rogue on his lap:: It's Draco!   
Prof.X- Get away you little whore! Go see Kazam! I'm Hagrid.  
Kitty- Shouldn't he be Dumbledore, like he was wise. Hagrid is a -  
Rogue- I'm Scabbers!  
Jean- I'm Crookshanks! ::stares at Rogue evilly::  
Rogue- ::runs behind Scott and hugs his leg::  
Scott- Get away from me! I hate children. My daughter is the little whore who got me fired.  
Rogue- I'M NOT A CHILD! I'M 5!!  
Kitty- You don't have any kids. You were supposedly dating Jean.  
Scott- Listen! I ain't no lesbian.   
Wolvertooth-  
L-Alright bub. We're taking you and the rest of you kids home. Creed will you quit touching my side of my ass.  
S- I have an itch  
L- Listen your side is on the left.  
S- Well you weren't itching it.  
L- Listen our powers heal so all I gotta do is slice your arm off and it will heal.  
S- Damn you…fine.  
Ororo- Will all you mutants shut up already. Damn your getting on my nerves! Jean stop sneaking up on Rogue. She is no damn rat and you aint no cat.  
Jean- ::about to bite Rogue's arm:: Why'd you tell?! ::messes with Ororo's mind::  
Ororo- MY EYES!  
Tabatha- What she do to your eyes?  
Ororo- I'm blind! Where is everybody?  
Jean- MARCO!  
Rogue- POLO!  
Jean- MARCO!  
Ororo- Quit it you little monsters! I want some wine! ::Jean and Rogue still saying Marco Polo:: I'll beat you two with my cane if I have to! ::they stop::  
Tabatha- When did you get a cane?  
Ororo- ::running towards Tabatha's voice:: I'll get you!  
Rogue: POLO!  
Ororo- ::crashes into something in confusement:: AHH!!  
Rogue: HAHAHA!! SHE GO BOOM!  
Tabatha- Boom?  
Kurt- NO!  
Tabatha- ::sends out small bomb and it hits Ororo::  
Rogue- ::screams and ducks her head w/ Jean::  
Ororo- ::sends a lightning bolt at Tabatha but accidentally hits Kurt's tail which now reappears::  
Kurt- OOOOOWWWWWWW!! What the hell?  
Kitty- Your tail is showing.  
Kurt- Go figure…  
Kitty- ::Turns to all the ruckus:: Like, everyone, like, SHUT UP!  
Wolvertooth- L- Will everyone please get back into the X- Jet…including Harry Potter boy over there.  
Magneto- ::fighting with sticks/pencils they think are called wands with Prof. X:: I cant leave. Hogwarts rule!  
Kurt- Dear God man! You are in Jarrot playground!  
Prof. X- ::rides over and pulls Kurt's tail off:: HAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
Kurt- OW!  
Ororo- I AM BLIND!! I CANT SEE!! GIVE ME SOME WINE!  
Jean- ::gives her a water bottle:: Wine!  
Ororo- ::drinks it and throws it at Kurt:: This isn't wine!  
Kurt- STOP ABUSING ME!  
Scott- Have a cigarette it'll make you feel better. ::pulls out a cigarette and lights it:: Bastards…  
Rogue- YOU SAID BAD WORD!!  
Scott- Go away…You'll be saying it someday too. If it was up to me you'd be living in Alabama with your father.  
Rogue- I have a daddy?  
Prof. X- ::picks up water bottle and throws it at Magneto:: Die you Harry Potter. He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is behind you! He's gonna kill ya! He's gonna kill ya!   
Magneto- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!   
Scott- He's a reject of society. Let him die.  
Wolvertooth- S- This is too pathetic ::attempts to leave::  
L- You can't leave. Your attached to me and we have to watch them.  
S- I forgot.  
L- Let's go everyone into the X-Jet!  
Tabatha- All the pretty flowers flowers flowers- FREAKIN ASSHOLE!  
Jean- They saying bad words…HAHAHA!!  
Rogue- DAT BAD WORD! ::smacks Jean and Tabitha' s hands:: GO SIT ON THE CORNER!  
Jean- No  
Rogue- ::shrugs, takes glove off, and repeatedly pokes Jean::  
Jean- ::laughs even though her life is being sucked out with each poke:: I feel funny…::spontaneous flinching::  
Kitty- Your retarded…  
Jean- I AM NOT RETARDED! MOMMY SAYS I'M SPECIAL! SPECIAL!  
Kitty- Logan can we go…   
L- Yea, Let's go. Kurt and Kitty help get the others.   
Kurt, Wolvertooth, & Kitty- ::gets everyone into the X-Jet:: 


	4. Act 4

Act 4  
  
Kitty- ::pulls out a book on Villians and starts to read:: I FIGURED IT OUT! MUSACHAN IS BEHIND THIS! She is the controller of All Insanity! She lives in the Happy Haunted Sunshine House!  
Kurt- Well then lets go.  
Wolvertooth- ::flies there with some difficulties from all the insane ones. Prof. X throwing food. Flies to the Happy Haunted Sunshine House. Strange Victorian Mansion that is haunted and old looking but then again happy because of the Happy Sunshine behind it::  
Kitty- That's it.  
Kurt- It's scary looking…It's too happy yet scary…  
Wolvertooth- L- Let's get in there.  
Kitty- ::runs up to the door:: It's locked.  
Kurt- ::POP! He goes inside and opens the door:: Open!  
Kitty- I couldn't have walked through it you know.  
Wolvertooth- L- Chill half pint let's just get---  
::Everyone besides Kurt, Wolvertooth, & Kitty run inside::  
Kitty- Well they are happy aren't they.  
Kurt- Do you hear that? ::strange song being heard from inside the house::  
Wolvertooth- S- Can we get this over with. I need a flee bath…  
L- Shut up. I'll still slice your arm off.  
::The 3 go inside and see everyone dancing to the scary song…::  
  
  
"The Happy Haunted Sunshine House"  
  
"Come on baby, let's take my car  
To the place where dreams come true  
It's a mile off the interstate  
And if you want to dance, well, that's there too  
  
At the happy haunted sunshine house  
We can groove (Oh yeah)  
Well, there's cobwebs  
Everyone's dead  
We want your sunshine in  
Paint the place red  
Don't be,  
Don't be scared, girl  
  
When the monster mash is out of this world  
Come on baby, take off your shoes  
And move your hands from side to side  
(come on baby) And put your hands in the apple bin  
Maybe if you're lucky, you'll be mummified  
  
Ba ba ba ba (ba ba ba)  
Ba ba ba ba (ba ba)  
  
Maybe if you're lucky, you'll be mummified  
At the happy haunted sunshine house"  
  
Musachan- ::comes out from after the song:: I am a moose once.  
Tabatha- ::throws a sparkly bomb thing at the ground:: Bada Bing Bada Boom!  
Wolvertooth- S- ::roars like a lion::   
L- Don't start..  
Musachan- I am the ALMIGHTY MUSACHAN! I control all insanity!  
Rogue- Really?  
Musachan- Do not question me! I CONTROL YOUR ARMS! ::Makes everyone move their arms::  
Jean- I can fly! ::amazed with arms moving spontaneously::   
Kitty- Did you do this to them?  
Kurt- ::starts teleporting crazily around the room::  
Kitty- Not you too. You did do this to them! For what purpose!  
Musachan- ::Snaps fingers Then memorizes them all by singing the Happy Haunted Sunshine House song!::  
  
::Everyone sings the Happy Haunted Sunshine House song and becomes insane::   
  
  
The End  
Sequel…………MAYBE! 


End file.
